BIFF for CoParent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts (Conflict Communication Series, 3) *[Book]
"Coparenting is hard in any circumstance and when doing it with someone that has a high conflict personality, can seem impossible. The first step is to admit that you are outmatched in every way except for the ability to learn new skills related to the high conflict personality. My life did not change until I began to read and understand and start using tools like BIFF. I couldn’t help my children because I couldn’t help myself and until I learned new tools, felt hopeless. Using BIFF will give you hope that change is possible.” A.C., parent Use BIFF to Communicate with Your Ex's Blaming, Accusing and Taunting Texts and Emails In divorce and co-parenting, not only do you need to deal with your own emotions, you may be faced with a daily barrage of hostile calls, texts, email, and social media blasts. How can you regain a sense of control and peace for your own sake and for the kids? For more than a decade, the BIFF method of responding to hostile and misinforming emails, texts, and conversations has grown in use by thousands of people dealing with a difficult co-parent and with those who may have a high conflict personality, and it helps with those who don't. This third book in the BIFF™ Conflict Communication Series is especially devoted to parents dealing with issues during, and after, separation and divorce. Complete with instructions in the four-step BIFF method, and numerous practical examples, readers will learn the intricacies of their new parenting environment. When parents use this approach, not only do they feel good about their end of the written or verbal conversation, but it tends to influence the other parent to communicate more productively as well. While it's simple and practical, it's not natural for most of us because we are hooked by the emotional intensity. This book can help you reduce the conflict and regain your sanity by learning what to write and what not to write. Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm BIFF is a communication game changer―it works! Read more
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Why Must Read BIFF for CoParent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts (Conflict Communication Series, 3)?
Though this particular book is targeted to parents who are going through, or have gone through, a divorce/separation with a High Conflict Person (HCP), it has oodles and oodles of application to any relationship with a HCP. Bill Eddy, a lawyer, therapist, mediator, and the co-founder and training director of the High Conflict Institute; Annette Burns, an attorney and a certified Family Law Specialist; and Kevin Chafin, a mediator and Licensed Professional Counselor, have given parents a wonderful aid in this 223-page paperback, "BIFF for Co-Parent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts". It includes how to navigate the electronic side of things, but really the book maps out many ways to be Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm (BIFF) so as not to get swallowed up in angry and reactionary communications with a HCP. The first section develops the traits of a HCP, especially their practice of "blamespeak": (1) their preoccupation with blaming others; (2) exhibiting an all-or-nothing thinking; (3) unmanaged emotions; and (4) extreme behavior. The authors then show why being brief, informative, friendly and firm can be a lifesaver in these situations. Part of being BIFF in communications means also avoiding the three "A's" of admonishing, advising, and apologizing. These three chapters are valuable, giving perspective; and can help the person on the receiving end of the HCP's blamespeak! The final two sections go through multiple examples of using BIFF, topically arranged. From the routine, to education, healthcare, kids activities, the finances, schedules and plans, and social media. The authors give examples of the types of communication one might receive from a HCP, and the way we might want to respond. Then they work through healthier responses, coaching readers step-by-step. They even show how to coach others in this approach, formally or informally. The appendices address boundaries in co-parenting, how to work with your children and help in the relationship with a HCP, and then ways to calm an upset person using Empathy, Attention and Respect (EAR). The authors bring in their legal and therapeutic expertise to lend a hand to men and women in a high conflict environment and relationship. The High Conflict Institute has scads of material and courses to give employers, spouses, and relatives tools for dealing with a HCP in most venues. This volume is focused on co-parenting, and spot-on. I highly recommend the book.
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